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Description
Well I usually am not a poetry type of person, but I was in this Italian restraunt and I was just staring that this candle all night. The words just kind of poped into my head.
The poem almost sounds like a suecide poem or a poem written out of despair...but it's not don't worry...I'm not going anywhere
I am like a candle,
I once burned bright,
But something changed...
I can't go on much longer.
My wick is running low.
It used to be long,
I never thought this day would come.
I can't go on much longer.
I don't have much wax left.
Most is melted
And waiting for me to end.
I can't go on much longer.
My flame grows dim,
I dont have much time left.
All is about to end.
I can't go on much longer.
My time here is done...
All will be dark.
So the poem is free-verse and does not rhyme at all (I am terrible are rhyming things).
Feed back is welcomed
The poem almost sounds like a suecide poem or a poem written out of despair...but it's not don't worry...I'm not going anywhere
I am like a candle,
I once burned bright,
But something changed...
I can't go on much longer.
My wick is running low.
It used to be long,
I never thought this day would come.
I can't go on much longer.
I don't have much wax left.
Most is melted
And waiting for me to end.
I can't go on much longer.
My flame grows dim,
I dont have much time left.
All is about to end.
I can't go on much longer.
My time here is done...
All will be dark.
So the poem is free-verse and does not rhyme at all (I am terrible are rhyming things).
Feed back is welcomed
Image size
406x586px 142.28 KB
Make
EASTMAN KODAK COMPANY
Model
KODAK DX3600 DIGITAL CAMERA
Shutter Speed
1/8 second
Aperture
F/3.4
Focal Length
6 mm
Date Taken
Nov 23, 2003, 9:54:19 PM
© 2004 - 2024 mattdanna
Comments20
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I love this one, and because of its simplicity. A lot of artists try almost too hard to make their work complex, where sometimes just letting things be simple can be just as complicated. Keeping things simple has an understated elegance to it, especially here. I thought you captured that well here.
About that poem...
I hate meter so badly, trust me (I can't do meter, and my English professor mourned my attempts at iambic pentameter), but you want to make sure that it flows well. Even if you're not a poetry buff (I like prose better personally), for me it helps to read it out loud. You figure out transition better, whether it's poetry or prose. Rhyming is complicated, but I'm more about flow and less about rhyme. Could be that I'm a musician, and music is all about the flow.
Other than that, I loved the poem, particularly these lines:
"I am like a candle,
I once burned bright"
Those two alone will probably stick with me for a long time. Watch out, I might write something prose-y to go along with this. But anyway. I'm all about the first few lines, whether it's a story or a poem. If they don't grab the audience, then it's no good. You did good work there!
On a side note, is it wrong that I find irony in the fact that this is a less-than-happy poem, but the candle is yellow? Yellow's a sunny and bright color. Or did you do that on purpose?
Sorry for the long comment, but I couldn't help myself.
Lovely work!
About that poem...
I hate meter so badly, trust me (I can't do meter, and my English professor mourned my attempts at iambic pentameter), but you want to make sure that it flows well. Even if you're not a poetry buff (I like prose better personally), for me it helps to read it out loud. You figure out transition better, whether it's poetry or prose. Rhyming is complicated, but I'm more about flow and less about rhyme. Could be that I'm a musician, and music is all about the flow.Other than that, I loved the poem, particularly these lines:
"I am like a candle,
I once burned bright"
Those two alone will probably stick with me for a long time. Watch out, I might write something prose-y to go along with this.
But anyway. I'm all about the first few lines, whether it's a story or a poem. If they don't grab the audience, then it's no good. You did good work there!On a side note, is it wrong that I find irony in the fact that this is a less-than-happy poem, but the candle is yellow?
Yellow's a sunny and bright color. Or did you do that on purpose? Sorry for the long comment, but I couldn't help myself.
Lovely work!